


A Kiss Is Not A Contract

by mileskaane



Category: Flight of the Conchords - All Media Types
Genre: Blow Jobs, First Time Blow Jobs, M/M, New York, New York City, breakfast adventures, bret is PENT UP, bro jobs, set during the tv show
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-13 16:55:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29032038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mileskaane/pseuds/mileskaane
Summary: Bret has been acting up. Well, acting a bit differently. Jemaine suggests a solution.
Relationships: Jemaine Clement/Bret McKenzie
Comments: 1
Kudos: 6





	A Kiss Is Not A Contract

**Author's Note:**

> yeah. cannot stop thinking about these fools. also cannot stop writing for dead fandoms apparently.
> 
> twitter: tofumuse  
> tumblr: mangostv

Bret had been acting up. Well, acting a bit differently. Snappy and twitchy. Jemaine had noticed, obviously, but bringing it up had proven difficult. He’d fumbled over how to broach the topic in his head for two days before it ended up not being necessary as Murray brought it up in their meeting.

“What’s with this new attitude problem, Bret?” Murray asked, number two on the agenda that day. “Is it a new rockstar persona you’re trying out?”

“There’s no attitude problem.” Bret mumbled.

Murray looked to Jemaine for help but got a shrug. 

“Well...try and look after yourself, alright?” Murray said eventually. “You can talk to me, or you can talk to Jemaine if there’s an issue.”

“Can we just drop this?” Bret asked. “Carry on with the meeting.”

Xxxx

The box of cereal Bret was reaching for fell out of the cupboard and onto the floor, spraying off-brand cornflakes everywhere. Bret exclaimed and kicked the box, making the mess worse.

“You gonna clean that up?” Jemaine asked through a mouthful of toast, staring at the TV.

“Fuck you, Jemaine.”

Jemaine’s chewing stopped for a moment before he continued. Bret let out an exasperated sigh.

“I think you need to get laid, man.” Jemaine said nonchalantly. He was still staring at the TV, morning television engaging him for some reason. Bret stopped in his tracks for a second before suddenly heading towards his friend. Jemaine flinched on reflex, thinking Bret was going to attack him. He’d only said it because he’d heard someone say it on a tv show and the laugh track went crazy.

Instead, Bret just stopped again in front of Jemaine.

“You might be right.”

“Yeah?”

“I kinda wanna kiss you right now.”

“Huh?”

“I wanted to punch you but now I want to kiss you.”

“Oh.”

Bret leant down and pressed his lips briefly against Jemaine’s, then pulled away when his friend just sat there in shock.

“Fuck, sorry. I’m being ridiculous.” he went to turn away but Jemaine grabbed his wrist.

“You’re...worked up.” Jemaine attempted. “So you’re taking it out on me...I guess.”

Bret nodded, looking down at his slippers.

“C’mere.” Jemaine offered, patting the empty seat on the sofa and sliding his now empty plate on to the coffee table. Bret obliged and plonked down next to his friend, a pout on his face. “You can do it again, if you want.”

Bret’s head shot up.

“I can kiss you again?”

Jemaine had barely nodded before Bret was dragging him forward into another kiss, hands on either side of his friends face. He was unintentionally cupping Jemaine’s sideburns which Jemaine found amusing but he didn’t say anything, just allowed himself to be engulfed in Bret’s kiss.

Neither of them had kissed another dude before. There were differences. The sideburns for starters, Bret hadn’t felt  _ that _ kissing a girl. And Jemaine had to get used to Bret’s beard. It was kinda ticklish. But other than the facial hair, the kiss felt surprisingly natural to them both.

They broke the kiss to breathe but didn’t move away from each other. Bret panted, mouth centimeters away from Jemaine’s. They made eye contact for a brief second before diving straight back in. It was heavier this time, and somehow Bret ended up in Jemaine’s lap.

It was only 9:30am and the pair of them were still in their pyjamas. Therefore, Jemaine became aware quite quickly of Bret’s sudden erection, making an obscene tent in his pyjama pants and poking Jemaine in the stomach when Bret pressed up against him. It made Jemaine’s head swim to think about it. He got a bit giddy whenever a girl was wet for him; turns out Bret’s boner was having the same effect on him.

“S-sorry.” Bret said meekly, unable to make eye contact.

It must have been the giddiness getting to his head that made Jemaine utter his next sentence.

“I’ll…” Jemaine started. “Give you a blowjob. If you want?”

Bret looked at him for a moment.

“Really?”

“Yeah, I-” Jemaine was blushing and he could feel his face burning. “Like, I don’t think I could have sex with you but I can suck your dick.”

“I-” Bret found himself momentarily speechless. “Yes. Please. If you don’t mind.”

They did some maneuvering, Bret now seated where Jemaine was, their dressing gowns shimmied off and Jemaine knelt on the floor between his best friends legs. Having secondhand embarrassment just from the fucking tent staring right at him, Jemaine lurched forward and pulled the patterned pants down, being greeted with Bret’s fully erect dick. He daren’t look up, and didn’t know what he’d see if he did. The thought of Bret watching him was somehow mortifying.

Jemaine tentatively took the head of Bret’s cock in his mouth and felt his friend tense beneath him. Obviously, he’d never done this before but tried to think about what it was that he liked having done when he got the rare blowjob. He swirled his tongue around the tip of the cock and it made Bret’s hips stutter.

As he got into the rhythm, the sounds of Bret’s choked off gasps were the only noise in the room. It was obvious he was trying to be quiet but the sounds were still bothering Jemaine. They were making his cheeks flush, like he shouldn’t be hearing them. Bizarre to think that when Bret’s cock was literally in his mouth. He accidentally made an obscene slurping sound with his tongue and Bret whimpered.

Jemaine closed his eyes and decided to just get on with it. The heat radiating off his face was annoying him. He’d offered to do this, why was he so embarrassed? What was annoying him most was that he didn’t hate it. In a way, it was like he should have offered to do this sooner. His jeans were getting tighter.

Bret’s hands were scrabbling at the sofa cushion and his breathing was getting more erratic. It was nice to make him feel good, Jemaine thought. He kinda wished Bret would put his hands on him, in his hair or even on his sideburns again but he was probably holding back to not overstep any boundaries.

Wasn’t sucking your best friends dick already crossing a major boundary?

He shook that thought from his head and focused on the heavy feeling of Bret’s cock on his tongue (it was a pretty nice dick, he had to admit) and the intoxicating feeling of a spurt of precum invading his mouth. It was at this point he decided he absolutely needed Bret to cum in his mouth.

Using his hand for what he couldn’t reach with his mouth, Jemaine started bobbing his head faster, twisting his wrist like some experienced porn star. Bret let out a surprised moan that was possibly the hottest thing Jemaine had ever heard. He could probably take more of Bret’s cock but he was scared of gagging and ruining the rhythm. It seemed like Bret was enjoying the current ministrations anyway.

“J-Jemaine, I-” Bret started. His thighs were trembling now. “I’m gonna cum.”

It came out as a small gasp and he sounded like he was in disbelief. He probably was. Jemaine had been eating toast less than ten minutes ago and now his mouth was full of cock. He was in disbelief too.

In response, Jemaine simply took Bret deeper into his mouth, only just managing not to gag. It was so worth it, Bret crying out and grabbing Jemaine’s hair.

“Oh!” he couldn’t help but exclaim. “Fuck, just like that.”

A second later and the cock jerked in Jemaine’s mouth and a thick rope of cum shot down his throat. Holding back a splutter, he held his head there whilst Bret groaned out his orgasm, tightening his grip in Jemaine’s hair.

His grip slackened and Jemaine fell back with a cough, grabbing his lukewarm mug of tea from the coffee table and gulping it down. Not only was he mildly choking, the taste was grim.

“Thanks, man.” Bret said, a dopey smile on his face as he sunk into the sofa. “I think that was just what I needed.”

“Yep. You’re welcome.” Jemaine said, shuffling off to the bathroom. He had his own issue to take care of now. At least Bret was sorted. “Can you clean up that cereal now?”


End file.
